We had another "discussion" but with a better outcome. He seemed to understand when I told him I can't go on. He at least acknowledged my pain. We walked through a conflict resolution technique to try to address our differences with how to handle the finances. We were able to end in peace and I felt heard... a glimmer of hope.
Besides, his mom died last week unexpectedly. I was waiting until this time of fasting and prayer was complete before making any firm decision. For now I think I am to wait, although I am insisting on a few changes:
- I will spend the money to get a physical and ask about starting anti-depressants.
- I will spend the money to renew counseling.
- I hope he will agree to get the windows in the car repaired.
I want to document the prophecy spoken over me tonight, what I can remember anyway... The first picture was of a mine with small rail cars going deep, getting filled, coming to the surface, getting emptied and then repeating the cycle. The second picture was similar, a water wheel getting filled with water, spinning and generating power. Fill/empty/fill/empty/fill/empty again. I've lost trust and that is inhibiting the flow, the power. But God will soon connect the dots. I've been focused on just some of the dots, but He is working on bringing them all together. His power, the flow of His Spirit as I trust Him will pull together all these pieces that don't make sense right now.
His promises will be fulfilled - I can trust Him. I have been given a gift of being able to see the gold buried in people, the ability to reach inside and "mine" that gold from deep within them and bring it to the surface.
